For the past several years, I have been part of the natural homegrown penicillin movement. Scientists officially identified penicillin in the 1920s. However, people have known for a long time that naturally occurring substances such as bread mould will attack and kill the harmful bacteria that cause many human illnesses and infections. For instance, Wikipedia states: “Many ancient cultures, including the ancient Egyptians, Greeks and in ancient India, already used moulds and other plants to treat infection.…Russian peasants used warm soil as treatment for infected wounds.…Soldiers in the army of king Dutugemunu (161–137 BC) are recorded to have stored oil cakes (a traditional Sri Lankan sweetmeat) for long periods in their hearth lofts before embarking on their campaigns, in order to make a poultice of the cakes to treat wounds.”
So, for the past several years, I have been cultivating my own bread mould and using it to treat various illnesses. This mould can be grown quite simply by placing moist bread in a basement or any warm, damp place. Many users report that homegrown mould is an effective treatment for headaches, nausea, constipation, and depression, as well as more serious diseases. These testimonials from people who have survived the treatment are indisputable proof that it works.
Many people prefer to use the natural, homegrown mould rather than go to a doctor and have him prescribe refined penicillin or some other antibiotic. They don’t really trust the government, the medical profession, or big pharmaceutical companies. Who knows what the big companies put into their drugs? Mostly a bunch of chemicals. Like many other people, I prefer to use something more natural. And the homegrown mould is much cheaper.
More recently, I have sometimes found it easier to buy the mould from a guy I met down on the corner. He swears that what he is selling is pure bread mould, and I have found it to be as good as any I made myself.
I don’t worry too much about the dosage. I just sort of play it by ear. I mean if some is good for you, then it stands to reason that a lot will be even better. In fact, I have started to use some every day as a means to prevent illness. At first, I just ate the mould on a piece of bread. However, recognizing that many illnesses enter the body through the nose, I have found that snorting it up the nose is even more effective.
The homegrown penicillin movement is growing rapidly and gaining increasing acceptance. This is the wave of the future. After all, if this logic works for the marijuana industry, it should work equally well for penicillin. And growing your own pencillin is perfectly legal.
Disclaimer: This is something called satire. Please do not try this at home. And if you do, please do not blame me for your stupidity or sue me. (I am a writer and have no money.) In my opinion, people who ignore scientific evidence and medical safeguards and self-medicate are idiots. Why is this disclaimer necessary? In the 18th century, Jonathan Swift could publish his A Modest Proposal (recommending the skinning and eating of Irish children) in the firm expectation that people would take it seriously but not literally. Today people are much more sophisticated and better educated (and possibly high on marijuana) and will believe any ridiculous thing posted on the Internet.