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Only Old Fat Guys Drive Corvettes

It happens so often it should be predictable. You see a hot car on the road—a Corvette, Trans-Am, Ferrari, Jaguar, BMW—and you wonder what international playboy or movie star could be driving it.

Then the car pulls into a parking lot and comes to a stop in a handicap space, and a fat old bald guy with a cane gets out. Or, occasionally, a matronly woman with dyed hair and too many facelifts.

Why? Because good-looking young guys can’t afford these muscle cars. Unless they’re dealing drugs, in which case they won’t like live long enough to be fat old guys.

These cars are very expensive, not only to buy but also to insure and to repair. The only people who can afford these expensive cars are people at the height of their careers—corporate lawyers, corporate accountants, and successful businessmen and businesswomen who have clawed their way to the top. These people have spent their lives sitting behind a desk for 60 to 80 hours a week, not lounging on a beach in the sun. It is little wonder they are overweight and pasty-faced, suffering from high blood pressure and even higher cholesterol.

And that’s why they need these cars. They certainly aren’t going to attract someone from the opposite sex based on their looks. So they have to flaunt their money, like a crow waving a peacock feather.

This should be a reminder that glossy exteriors are deceptive. It is what is inside that really matters.


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